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Who Is The Bear?

Character Dossier

Archive subject: BEAR, THE | Occupation: allegedly entertainment

Identity note. It has not been established whether “the Bear” refers to one performer, several performers, or a costume passed between licensed premises. Descriptions are remarkably consistent.

The Bear in the 1977 folklore festival programme

IDENTIFYING PARTICULARS

Name: The Bear.

Known occupation: None established.

Claimed occupation: Booked entertainment.

Repertoire: Principally Widecombe Fair.

Temperament: Theatrical, pathetic, absurd and never violent.

Bard Bear

The Bard Bear material appears to come from the same confused promotional period as the International Folklore Festival. The Bear was useful as an image: strange, theatrical and easy to photograph. He was less useful as a family mascot. Later Burstin material suggests that this tension never fully went away.

Rehabilitation and Return

Following his first rehabilitation in the mid-1980s, the Bear undertook strength training, music-led repetition and the controlled return of beer barrels to their proper place. He emerged convinced that pub entertainment should be settled by a non-violent contest of songs.

OPEN THE BEAR MATCH FIT FILE

Canonical Behaviour

Stage	Observed pattern
1	Arrives carrying some inadequate proof of a booking.
2	Claims the landlord, committee or brewery sent for him.
3	Sings Widecombe Fair before permission can be refused.
4	Demands one more encore despite receiving no first encore.
5	Argues with a landlord or doorman about the meaning of “outside.”
6	Interferes with a barrel, microphone, bowls measure or change machine.
7	Is barred, forgiven for seasonal reasons, then barred again.
8	Survives only in an incorrectly labelled or missing CCTV tape.

Rules For Future Files

The Bear may inconvenience, embarrass, sing, plead, misunderstand and overstay. No reliable account describes violence or deliberate injury.

An incident file is considered complete only when it answers four questions: why did he think he was booked, what did he perform, why was he barred, and what became of the tape?